A “NO” is “NO” and NOT a Negotiation for a “YES”says a MOM!

Yes, I am referring to this confusing yet simple word “No”, which slips out of our tongue not only too often but for almost everything, our kids ask for. As a parent, I’ve always tended to expect from my child to know, that when I say this word, I do mean it. It should be the end of the discussion…but somehow it is not. Lately, I realize with my Tween Girl that “NO” means asking 1000 more time, it means “Maybe”, or it means continue negotiating for a “YES”.

This reality of simple meaning “NO” ceases to exist.

But then I sit to ponder, dint we as child follow the same route. I can clearly remember as a kid these clouds of confusion were always hovering our minds whether to understand NO as “NO” or place our plea for some negotiation, as we might be too lucky to win a “YES” and this was for almost everything we needed, and our questions started like :

• Can I play in the street after dark?
•  Can you buy me another Barbie Doll?
•  Can I go out for a movie with friends?
•  Can I also go on a school trip out of station?
•  Can I buy a mobile phone too, all my friends have it already?
•  Can I watch TV for some more time?
•  Can I study later?
•   Can I grow my hair long?

To all the above the answers were “NO” but we dint give up, we continued to negotiate, cry, plea, flop around the floor, argue and throw our fit to confront all the denials. I still recollect my Mom telling firmly “Just Listen, it is for your own good.” So, No is not another word for “YES”, it was strong enough to convey the message “you’re not going to get your way”.

But now as a parent myself, I understand these stingy little letters are so mystifying that they start decoding when applied by me but fail to do so when were applied to me. We clearly understand the meaning these now to which we have battled our entire childhood.

But Then, using Too Many No’s is this correct?

We as parents use it with children to keep them in safe limits, underpin rules, although in my point of view (P.S purely limited to my opinion) repeated usage of “NO” can be counterproductive. It may result in a child’s behavior either being offensive, being rebellious or smash his confidence when it comes to making self-decisions and stumble him into a cocoon.

Let’s alternate the usage of letters these kids escape listening to, let’s add a realistic reason to our denial, make their asking an attainable goal, add small tasks to this en route to a “YES” and most importantly Let them be a winner.

Be with them in their victory (P.S Do not make the goal an impossible task). Believe me, when they win a “Yes” over a “NO”, it will not only boost their self- confidence, they will also emerge as winners and would reach out to you knowing that there will be path to achieve a “YES”, that it may not come too quick or too easy but needs to earned every time.

Save the NO’s” for most important times and situations and experience the gains in your relationship with your child.

I’d love to hear of interesting routes and the humorous stories adopted by you in your journey of Parenthood.

“If you want someone to listen and understand your reasoning, give your interests and reasoning first and your conclusions or proposals later.” Roger Fish